Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
