You're so nebulous sometimes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
