Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
