I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
