I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
