Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
