I faked an abortion last night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so much tequila, so little girl.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
