cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
