DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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