Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
