? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
