Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
