So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
