batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
