He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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