WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
