Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
