I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
