i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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