Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
