Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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