somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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