Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
