well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
