then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
