U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
