do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
