your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
