her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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