I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
