Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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