considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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