I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
