I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
