great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
