Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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