No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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