i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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