Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
