im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
