I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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