I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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