FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
