i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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