my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Less talking, more tequila
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We have so much sex to catch up on
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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