I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
