can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
