he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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