Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
