so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
